Face Your Shadow

Face Your Shadow

by China

 

I honor and respect your power. 
I honor and respect your power.
I honor and respect your power.

This post is not for the faint of heart. You’ve been warned...

Last night I took a bath and I watched a video about shadow by Matt Kahn. I fell asleep immediately after and proceeded to have one of the most horrifying dreams I have ever had (rare for me). 

There was a stunningly gorgeous woman who was wreaking havoc on the neighborhood and communities. She was all the “worst” things – theft, murder, controlling others via the use of heavy black magic, etc. I decided to make it my mission to find her and “eradicate” her. When I did, I called her a “bitch”. We went toe to toe and fought across many lands – flying high in the air as well as battling on solid earth. She tried to cut my hair. I attempted to bite parts of her face off. She was so strong that, at one point, I went to hide underground. My friend Vanessa was with me in what looked like the corridor of an Egyptian Pyramid. We were moving quickly through a tunnel, which at first appeared free for travel, yet, a brick wall materialized directly blocking our path. We were trapped. This alluring woman laughed at my light, taunting me and saying, “That’s all you got? You’re weak,” (the complete opposite of my Vegas experience). It was scary. At the end of the dream I found her, trying to relax, in my childhood room of the house I grew up in (peach walls), surrounded by her ladies-in-waiting. I caught her off-guard and grabbed her by the throat. She was so vulnerable. I said to her, “Is this what you want? For us to keep going like this?” I could have killed her in that moment – if she hadn’t looked at me with this, “I need love,” desperation in her eyes. She tried to hide that glance from me, but it was too late. I had already seen her core truth. Underneath it all, she was as exhausted as I was. We simply could not keep going like that – trying to “out power” each other. The bottom line was that both of us wanted to be recognized and respected. 

There is significance to my friend Vanessa being in the dream. In “real” life she has been true blue, showing up when I’m upleveling, feeling alone, and purging for myself and the collective . She is brave enough to hold supportive space for me when I do some of the deeper, darker work. Years ago she helped me when I was exiting (for good) a druggie lifestyle. Once I stopped hanging out at raves until 6AM, distancing myself from the toxicity, my then group of what I had thought were my close friends, turned on me. It was brutal. They slandered my character and dragged my name through the mud. I was incredibly hurt. Vanessa was one of the few people who remained solid and sturdy. She never took sides. I remember calling her early one morning (I woke her up.) saying, “I don’t know what I’m doing. Why am I doing this? This is so hard. I feel so alone.” And she said, “No, no! You are doing so good. Don’t go back. After everything you’ve been telling me, that’s not what you want.” She never judged me. She loved me back to life. After that conversation, I immediately went on to create my very first YouTube videos. 

So…who was the marvelous woman in my dream? My shadow. She’s ME. 

When we ignore the shadow it becomes that health problem that we can’t quite “get rid of”. It becomes those financial issues that “no matter what I do, this doesn’t go away”. It becomes the “why can’t I be in the relationship of my dreams”, etc. When unacknowledged, the shadow turns on us and tries to eat us alive. People on a spiritual path have been told to only have “good thoughts” and that evolution and ascension is supposed to look a certain way. Sigh. 

New. Age. Bullshit. (what I honestly believe to be a tricky and clever web in the “matrix”)

I woke from my dream around 3AM. For the first time I was genuinely enthralled by the enormously intense capability that my shadow has. Then, I did something I have never done before. I told my beautiful, glorious shadow, 

“I honor and respect your power.” 

With conviction and awe I said, 

“Oh God you are so magnificent!
Oh God you are so magnificent!
Oh God you are so magnificent!”

For decades I have been saying the above decree to what I considered to be my “God” side – the light, love, peace, joy, bliss side. I had NEVER said this to my shadow side – the hate, anger, jealousy, fear, resentment, sadness side. My shadow responded, saying, “Thank you,” and exhaled a big breath of relief. 

To you who are reading this, 

I honor and respect your power.
I honor and respect your power.
I honor and respect your power.